Regarding Mysterious Things That Sometimes Happen In Masonic Lodges

Some things in Freemasonry are quite serious, some aren't.  Here's how my Lodge meeting went last night.  We were sitting in Lodge having one of our usual earthshaking discussions — this one about whether or not to cancel an upcoming dinner event.  My friend... let's call him Rod... was the Tyler outside.  Suddenly, we heard an excruciating high-pitched squeal.  Everything stopped and we all shared a WTF moment.  After a pause, we heard a second ungodly squeal.

The Senior Warden rushed out to see what was going on.  Curiosity reigned inside and we speculated about the situation.

"That sounded like a girl."

"It sounded like she sneezed."

"That was no sneeze, it sounded like she was in pain."

"Well, what the heck is Rod doing to her?"

The Senior Warden came back inside and announced that everything was OK, without giving details.

After the meeting was over, I went out into the dining area and cornered Rod.  He was Master the year before me, we have a good relationship and I kinda wanted to give him a bit of a hard time, "So, Rod, just what were you doing to that girl out here?"

"Steve," he insisted, "there was no girl."

"Rod, we heard her screaming."

"Steve, there was no girl."

"Rod, we're friends. You can tell me. I'll keep your secret."

"Steve, there was no girl."

"Rod..."

Rod put his hand on my shoulder, leaned in and whispered, "Steve, I was taking a sh*t."

For the record (and I know you're on the edge of your seat wondering), we did not cancel our upcoming dinner.