Tyler Pete

The following is based on a true incident that happened in my Masonic Lodge. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, even though no one was innocent. It was first published on the Midnight Freemasons blog and it's about the aftermath of a dinner we had at the Lodge and a crazy idea that didn't work out so well. So with many apologies to Brother Robert W. Service and a poem he wrote about the cremation of a guy named Sam McGee I give you Tyler Pete And The Stairlift Chair.

There are strange things done in the Lodge, my son

By the Wardens and Stewards and such.

The kitchen crew has stories for you

That would make you lose your lunch.

The banquet nights have seen such fright

But the scariest night I swear

Was the Fourth of July when things went awry

And Tyler Pete crashed the stairlift chair.

Now that Tyler Pete he had two flat feet; he'd been there since time began.

No one cares when he went through the chairs, but he was Master way back when.

He moved around slow, yet gave it a go as the evening's chores accrued;

But he'd let you know with a tale of woe, "Dishes I don't want to do."

On the Fourth of July we had cake and pie and heaps of Masonic green beans.

The Lodge was well fed, "Too much food," they said, "have to take it home, it seems."

They packed it all up on plates and in cups and sat it all by the door.

There were many loads to get on the road, all stacked from ceiling to floor.

Now that Tyler Pete with the two flat feet, was still as sharp as a tack.

"Oh, I know," he said, "with his arms outspread, we'll put it all in a stack.

And the stairlift chair will take it down there... It cannot fail, I swear.

In no time at all, we'll get to the hall at the bottom of the stairs."

So he packed it up, every plate and cup and balanced it without fear.

Then he hit the switch but a little glitch made the whole load buck and veer.

Well, the chair, it stopped, but the load atop, shot out like a cannon ball.

The whole pile of trash dropped down with a crash, a big hot mess of a fall.

At very bottom, there was a problem: it was our big plate glass door.

The big ball of goop, pie, cake, beans and soup exploded through with a roar;

And glass and our food on the street it spewed — cars crashed in slime and meringue.

The last crash was shrill, but then it was still. The mishap stunned the whole gang.

Now Old Tyler Pete said, "It's not defeat. There's a good side to it all.

It may be a mess, but really we're blessed. Let's try not to be appalled. 

It's really a boon, as you will see soon. The good side of this shines through.

I'm happy you see and soon you will be: the dishes we don't have to do."

There are strange things done in the Lodge, my son

By the Wardens and Stewards and such.

The kitchen crew has stories for you

That would make you lose your lunch.

The banquet nights have seen such fright

But the scariest night I swear

Was the Fourth of July when things went awry

And Tyler Pete crashed the stairlift chair.